Monday, October 29, 2007

Top Charities for Craigslist Chicago Craigslist

GET INVOLVED

Chicago Non-Profit wants to help direct people to get involved in Chicago's not-for-profit community. The follwoing areas have information on how people can learn more about career, networking and volunteering opporutnities with some of Chicagoland's charitable non-profits:

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Career Builder

Careers In Nonprofits, Inc.

Craigs List Chicago

Idea List

Non Profit Career Network

NPO.net

NETWORKING & INFORMATION

Charity Navigator

Chicago Donor's Forum

Guide Star

Network For Good

Six Degrees

Young Non-Profit Professionals Network

VOLUNTEERING OPPORTUNITIES

Arts & Business Council of Chicago

Charity Guide

Chicago Volunteer.net

Idea List

Network For Good

NPO.net

Volunteer Match

Career Builder

Careers In Nonprofits, Inc.

Craigs List Chicago

Idea List

Non Profit Career Network

NPO.net

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Dear Males

I can't stop laughing

Here's one of the funniest post I found from Craigslist Sacramento. Check this out...



Ah darlings,

I quit. I don't give up easily but when it comes to you & finding one of you who won’t drive me up the wall, I have come to the decision to throw my arms up in the air & stomp away.

You impossible, delicious bastards! I don't understand how you work or maybe it's the Universe just thinking it's funny to fuck with my poor brain. When I want a relationship I get all these perverts thinking its impressive & proper behavior to tell me how big their penis is within the first 5 minutes of meeting me. When I want a meaningless fling ranging to fuck buddy I can find a guy to screw but then all the sudden they are deeply infatuated with me & I can't, frankly, stand them as a person for more than the drunken conversation over beers & sex talk. Don't even get me started on the raging psychos that I've been stupid enough to meet off the M4W...yeah YOU. Nuts.

Oh christ & while I'm at it...old guys. Stop it. Just stop. I don't know what makes you think that leering at me, sending me dirty pictures, or telling me I'm hot is going to do, but it's certainly NOT going to make me want to date you, do you, or little else besides sitting there all night being squicked out because some creepy, hairy, old man who looks like my Dad just told me I had nice boobs.

Every guy who has given me a glance of appreciation, I always smile back if interested...give due notice to say I am open to conversation perhaps? I've posted a million Missed Connections looking for those STUPID STUPID males who give me a shit-eating grin as they get off the bus. Could you have maybe done that a few minutes BEFORE your stop perhaps? That would be nice. Look, I'm not taking a flying leap off a bus just because you smiled at me. If you think I am worth smiling at, do it sooner or just don't. I have places to go, like class, for which I cannot be late no matter how cute you are (Johnny Depp & Jeff Goldblum are the only exceptions).

Now, before I get yelled at, I have approached guys I am interested in. I have made efforts. I have had some successes with it, just not many. It kind of sucks.

But, to my original point...I quit. I am done making all this effort for a bunch of slack jawed incompetents, psychopaths, jealous maniacs, & the like. I'm just not approaching anyone or even searching for anyone period anymore.
Whatever happened to chivalry anyways? Whatever happened to the aggressive male? The one who takes charge of a situation? Jeezus.

I hear all these guys whining about how their girlfriend is materialistic, a drama queen, shallow, & boring. Well, all signs should have pointed to this almost immediately were you not blinded by a size 2 waist & tits the size of tasty casaba melons. (Before someone calls me a lard ass, I am of average shape, have a gym membership that I faithfully use, & my tits are spectacular) You met her in a sports bar, when she was wearing her Prada sandals, had her real Coach bag, & used enough hairspray to drown a moose in. She made you buy her every drink, interrupted to talk on her cell phone, & put out the first night. Uh, duh? Please stop complaining about your stupid girlfriend when you were stupid enough to completely ignore the fact that she's generally stupid in the first place & continually ignored it past the second "date" mark & are STILL ignoring it past the 6 month to the 3 year mark. Shut up shut UP!

Me, and the many females like me, in our self-ripped jeans & hoodies with little to no make-up & a working knowledge of FPSes, billiards, zombie movies, drinking games, & awesome strip clubs get to sit in the backseat to the spangly, shiny, snotty ladies who spend 2 hours getting ready to go to their freaking friend's house. We don't understand this. We don't grasp the concept of wearing high heels to shit hole bars or the need to spend over $20 on a shirt or a stupid purse that we hate carrying but have to anyways. We hate malls, we hate people who take longer than 30 minutes in a shower (it does take some time to shave you know), & most importantly we don't get why in good fucking christ anyone would tattoo their OWN name on the small of their back. If anyone could fill me in on that, please do. That would rule.

So in summation, you do not know how freaking awesome I am, or any of the other girls like me, & even if you do notice you don't take any initiative whatsoever on your part. Girls like me; we want someone who will take control for once. We like manly men. Not sissy-pants in girl jeans with more hair products than us. Since you have chosen to ignore this fact I will no longer be approaching any of you, or actively looking for any of you to become the person who not only rocks my mind, but my naughty little body as well. You will find me in a shit hole dive bar tossing back whiskey & cheap beer. You will find me sitting in the square staring at people waiting for them to do something stupid, you will find me on the bus & the MAX rocking out to the Deftones, Dredg, & other assorted super awesome bands. If you're good at navigating Powell’s, I'm there too. I'm the girl who's drooling slightly & giggling at the massive pile of books I've managed to accumulate. You will find me in libraries busting my ass to pass all these classes I take in order to make sure I am a well-educated & successful person. If you can find an abandoned house, I might be in there, or have been in there because exploring those things is fucking AWESOME except the spiders. Screw spiders. I'm not down with those.

Where you won’t find me; however, is on the lookout for a new man. I've decided I have my life to live & I am tired of running into complete trolls & dead ends. My time is precious & you guys completely insist on wasting it. It's gotten old hat, to say the least.

If you want me, come get me. Otherwise, have fun looking for cute new cell phone charms with those other broads.

Reluctant little <3,
Me **EDIT** Thanks a lot for nominating me for "Best Of," & all your awesome emails. I really appreciate it. Ok so maybe not all of you are jerkfaces & for that you earn 5 points, but I'm still not lookin' for a date ;)

Sunday, October 7, 2007

To the Guy Who Stuck His Penis in My Face...

I have to share this with you all - so funny!
I found today from Craigslist . Check this out...


You are ridiculous. Have some tact, you asshole.

I met you for the first time, and after a decent dinner of grilled chicken, roasted redskin potatoes and asparagus, you asked me to your place. You were harmless. We talked for weeks. You weren't a creep- so I obliged.

During the movie you suggested, (Who the hell makes a girl sit through Full Metal Jacket on a first date?) you appeared next to me, stealthily and poked your penis in my face, and in the midst of silently pleasuring yourself, asked if you could "come on my face."

After I shot up in disgust, you continued to stroke yourself, and told me that I was so pretty that you couldn't help it. Then, as I RAN for the door (thank god I was wearing slip on shoes!) you proceeded to "finish" all over the dining room floor.


Thanks for that, Firefighter. Please, PLEASE put your HOSE away.... you disgusting pig..............

Thursday, October 4, 2007

My Top 10 MC List for Sac Men

Here's one of the Best and funniest post I found from Craigslist Sacramento. Check this out...



10) To the mechanic I took out to dinner who said his nickname was the “Lube Specialist” - next time tell me about your wife and son before you invite me over. Better yet, before I take you out to dinner at all. It was nice – albeit unexpected – to meet them, I’m sure. I’m not sure your wife shared the sentiment.

9) To the best friend of my last boyfriend who propositioned me during his house-warming party - you were my boyfriend’s best childhood friend. Remind me not to take friendship/loyalty lessons from you. You just moved in with your girlfriend two weeks prior – why? Opening a proposition with, “Hard nipples turn me on,” isn’t going to make me tear off my clothes. Finally, the aforementioned proposition happening directly in front of your girlfriend with almost no reaction from her was not only disgusting on your part, but kind of disturbing behavior on her part. Get me the hell OUT of this Bermuda Triangle for insanity.

8) To the guy I made out with on my friend’s patio when we were both drunk after killing a bottle of Bicardi Silver and Absolut – I don’t want to date you, and I’m sorry in your eyes that makes me a … what was it again? Callous slut? I didn’t know how to tell you then, or even now, that the inside of my lower lip might still have some residual bleeding. That’s why I said no to giving you my phone number – the thought of kissing you again made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Don’t worry though; I’ve since slaughtered the friend that caved to pressure and donated my number to your cause. If only you’d stop calling six times a day. It’s been a month.

7) To the guy I met over shared favorite movie lines while our friends were flirting – I invited you to a BBQ at a friend’s house after a few phone conversations in which you expressed a desire to have more female friends and get to know me better. Why you thought five minutes after walking through the door it was sexy or convincing to proposition me (in front of my friends) with, “I just came to fuck. Yes or no so I can plan my night?” still escapes me. Your irritation when I didn’t accept your offer is even more baffling than a heat-wave in January.

6) To the guy who called me “foolish” because I wouldn’t quit my job and move into your house to join the harem you were building in exchange for having my student loans paid off – this is America guy. I’ll pay off my own loans without whoring myself out in the process. Clue: it’s just MONEY. There’s tons of it floating around for those of us willing to work hard for it.

5) To the guy who dated me for three months before one of your posse finally broke it down about your fiancĂ©/girlfriend of FOUR YEARS – seriously, you’re fucked in the head, and where the hell is your fiancĂ©/girlfriend during all this? We were together A LOT – is she brain dead?

4) To the woman who would be an awesome friend if only she’d respect my boundaries – I’m straight. I don’t need to experiment with you to confirm this. Stop trying to kiss me when you’re intoxicated, and if you touch my ass again, we won’t be hanging out any more, and this doesn’t indicate homophobia. It indicates self-respect and/or standards. Take your pick.

3) To the guy who I went on a few dates with who was so nervous around me he either stuttered and/or made fun of me to alleviate his nervousness – they just weren’t good dates, and they didn’t improve over time. I’m sorry, because you’re a genuinely nice person. I’m even more sorry that you told my friends that you would have preferred I lied and pretended to have a boyfriend. I’m not sure I have that much energy in me to spare you from … what did you tell them? “Going on a three-month bender.” After four dates? And I thought I was a little screwy?

2) To the guy who told me to lose five pounds in the same breath he told me to go get him a beer so he didn’t miss any of the game – you are by far one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I’m already fifteen pounds underweight for my height, so additional weight loss would not only make me less attractive, it would make me unhealthy. I might have ignored the comment had a couple of mitigating factors not been present: a) you’re so far out of my intellectual league that every moment spent with you was a shallow trip down idiot lane to a destination called “I Just Want To Look At You,” and b) your denial of a serious substance abuse problem was apparent every time we couldn’t have sex.

1) To the guy who didn’t want to be gay – you’re heads above even #2 in attractiveness, and easily put even my intellect to task. I might suggest a few things to better mask your sexual preferences however: a) asking a group of men, “Do I smell Wisteria?” is a clear sign either you spend too much time with your mother, you’re gay, or you’re a hetero-sexual anomaly, b) touchy-feely with your best male friend is fine when sports are part of the equation, but when one man’s face is really close to another man’s face during conversation or you spend too much time with your arms around eachother’s shoulders, it sends an alert message the same way a fire alarm does, c) pretend you don’t know more about hair products than I do, and finally d) don’t tell me you’re gay while we’re naked in my bed AFTER we tried to have sex and you couldn’t get it up.

Your friend was peeing in your mouth

Here's one of the weirdest and funniest post I found today from Craigslist Sacramento. Check this out..

I would just like to thank you for providing one of the most odd and entertaining experiences I've ever had in this town. I was having a pretty relaxed conversation with a friend after a night of drinking (and work, I apologize for appearing in slacks and a button-up shirt, I assure you this isn't my usual attire), and you and your friend arrived in front of the bar to switch cars, presumeably after hitting another bar. She had to pee, and you suggested she do so in your mouth, and I of course suggested monetary compensation for such a show.

Honestly though, I didn't think you would actually do it. I can say that's the first time I've ever seen an attractive woman topless in the middle of Q street (you have very attractive breasts by the way). It's also the first time I've seen a topless woman lay down in the middle of a three lane street at 2am. It also marks the first time I've seen a woman have another woman pee in her mouth.

I forgive your bearhug which inevitably splayed most of the splashed urine on my shirt, and your immediate departure, but I am certain that it was a twenty dollars well spent.

All said, despite the fact that I am in no way aroused by such "watersports," your antics were amusing and completely without any regard for law, what others might think of you, or even good taste (pun not intended). That brief moment will remain a legendary event in my mind forever. Thanks to you and your friend for something that shocked, surprised, and left a mark on my memory that will not soon be erased.

If I see you again, let me buy you a drink. I might even let you pee in my mouth this time.


this is in or around midtown.